False Self Reads Bangor Sitting Meditations

False Self Reads Bangor Sitting Meditations continues the False Self series' inquiry into the boundaries between self and other. Its source material is three guided meditations, each recorded by a different meditation leader from Bangor University's Centre for Mindfulness Research and Practice (CMRP). The composition systematically dissolves their words into a single composite text, which is then spoken by my voice, to a background of binaural beats, drones, harmonies and arpeggios.

All the words and phrases spoken throughout the project are systematically sourced from the Bangor CMRP Sitting Meditations. Nothing is simply made up.

I first came across the Bangor CMRP guided meditations when X informed me that their clinical psychologist had signposted them to the Bangor listening portal. Intrigued, I too became a listener.

In listening, I was struck by the sensuous quality of the files: calm voices speaking soothing phrases at a slow, measured pace, directly into one’s headphones. With further listening, I noticed the remarkable economy of language—the three speakers drew from a small, deliberate pool of words. Recurring terms include breath, body, moment, thoughts, sensations, mind, now, just, attention, back, awareness, noticing, sounds, allowing, being, here, perhaps, experience, simply, and wander.

I continued to engage with the guided meditations, and they started to enter my thought patterns. I began recalling certain phrases, juxtaposing them with other utterances and running them into one another. As I did this, I noticed something else blurring alongside the words: the voices themselves. The word pool's homogeneity was so complete that it felt as if a single voice were speaking through many mouths—and soon I couldn't help but wonder whether that impression might be made literal, whether the individual speakers could be systematically dissolved into one another until they collapsed into a single composite voice.

To this end, I began devising a system to amalgamate the voices into one—a constrained writing task, drawing equally from each of the meditation leaders, that would yield a single composite text. I decided to perform this new text with my own voice to a backdrop of binaural beats, drones, harmonies and arpeggios.

What remains is a voice that belongs to no one in particular—least of all me.

—Rudi Arapahoe (2026)

The composition can be streamed here:

(unreleased, contact me for a streaming link)

The work is designed for headphone listening.

1. Preparing the material

I began by downloading, transcribing and minuting the six guided Sitting Meditation audio files that are hosted on the CMRP website. I then sequentially numbered the minuted groups of text by hand (note the green loop on the left side of the page below). Henceforth these groups of text are referred to as word-groups.

Each of the six Sitting Meditation transcriptions was then assigned a letter:

• A: Guided Sitting Meditation led by Sarah Silverton

• B: Guided Sitting Meditation led by Bethan Roberts

• C: Guided Sitting Meditation led by Eluned Gold

• D: Guided Sitting Meditation led by Jody Mardula

• E: Guided Sitting Meditation led by Cindy Cooper

• F: Guided Sitting Meditation led by Rebecca Crane

Three letters were randomly selected: C, D and F. These three guided meditations were used as the raw material for the composition (guided meditations A, B and E were discarded and not used moving forward).

• C: Eluned Gold's guided meditation has a duration of 38 minutes and comprises 2120 words that were divided into 122 word-groups.

• D: Jody Mardula's guided meditation has a duration of 16 minutes and comprises 1150 words that were divided into 76 word-groups.

• F: Rebecca Crane's meditation has a duration of 41 minutes and comprises 2870 words that were divided into 122 word-groups.

All of the three selected meditations were divided into at least 76 word-groups, therefore the number 76 was set as the limit for the next phase of the system.

2. Table of future connections

The word-groups were then organised into a table. The table was populated by including all of Jody Mardula's 76 word-groups, and by randomly selecting 76 word-groups from the possible 122 word-groups in each of Rebecca Crane's and Eluned Gold's meditations.

Reading across row four of the table we can see that working-set four features Mardula's word-group three, Crane's word-group 99, and Gold's word-group 91.

3. Constrained writing

The tabulated word-groups were then used as materials in a constrained writing game to compose the spoken word monologue that is the core of False Self Reads Bangor Sitting Meditations.

The six conditions for the constrained writing phase of the composition were:

1. Words and phrases can be selected from any of the three word-groups that form the working-set. For instance, row four of the table is working-set four and is made up of Mardula's word-group three, Crane's word-group 99, and Gold's word-group 91. These were: 

D,03 Mardula: Feeling the back of your neck lengthening slightly and your shoulders dropping, lowering gently.

F,99 Crane: The breath is always with you, always there to help settle and steady you. Reconnecting us again and again and again with the present moment.

C,91 Gold: So allowing yourself to observe thoughts rather than being caught up in thoughts.

2. All three word-groups in the working-set must be used.

3. Words from a word-group must be uttered sequentially.

4. Words can be omitted.

5. Words from one word-group of the working-set can interrupt either of the other two word-groups at any time; however, words must be spoken in the sequential order of the parent word-group.

6. Punctuation can be used freely.

Completed examples

Three examples of completed constrained writings are shown below. Words highlighted in yellow were selected to be included in the line. The sentences highlighted in green are the completed constrained writings that feature as part of the monologue.

4. Composing the meditation backdrops

The musical backdrops were composed with limited means: an E-MU E5000 Ultra sampler and a Roland D50 synthesiser. These were recorded and programmed using a Yamaha QY700 MIDI sequencer. The two sound sources were enhanced by Korg A1 and Yamaha SPX90ii effects processors.

The following compositional restrictions were placed upon the backdrops:

1. The meditation backdrops were all composed to a uniform tempo of 56 beats per minute. This pacing was chosen because it has the sense of a resting heartbeat.

2. Each backdrop was allocated an underlying time signature. These included 4/4, 5/4, 9/8, 13/16, alternating bars of 7/8 & 8/8, alternating bars of 8/8 & 9/8, alternating bars of 9/8 & 11/8, and so on. The time signature lightly masks the common underlying tempo and impacts the structure of the backdrop, however, it is largely disguised from the listener.

3. Each of the seven backdrops was assigned a different drone pitch.

4. Each backdrop was allocated one of four Phase Characteristics: (a) Harmonised Drone (phases VI and VII); (b) Arpeggio (phases II and IV); (c) Slow Pulse (phase I); or (d) Choral (phase III and V). 

5. Each backdrop had a selection of six to nine of the 76 meditation utterances randomly allocated to it. The remaining 21 utterances were set aside as supplementary materials (these supplementary materials may be used in future compositions or performances).

So for instance, phase VI has a tempo of 56bpm, is built with alternating bars of 9/8 & 11/8, a drone pitch of 294Hz (D4), the Phase Characteristic: Harmonised Drone; and has eight meditation utterances assigned to it.

5. Vocal recording

To prepare for the recording of the monologue, I spent approximately 20 hours listening to the CMRP meditation leaders speak, before beginning to rehearse and develop my own meditation voice.

I recorded my vocals in my Helix Branch studio in Lincoln, Lincolnshire, England.

6. Arrangement, sequencing, and mixing

Finally, the meditation utterances and musical backdrops were intuitively sequenced in a computer audio workstation. The resulting project files were passed on to a mix engineer, James Perrett, to mix. 

Perrett mixed the composition in his JRP Musical Services facility in Hampshire, England.

Credits

Composed by 

Rudi Arapahoe

Performed by

Rudi Arapahoe — spoken word, synthesiser and sampler

Alison O'Donnell — vocals (phases I & VI)

Jovana Backovic — drum machine (phase II)

Mixed by 

James Perrett

Mastered by 

Rudi Arapahoe

Thank you to

Peter Came, Liz Came, Jennie Kerrigan, Jan Relf, Rebecca Crane, Eluned Gold, Jody Mardula, Keith McHard, Jim Simm, and X.